Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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