So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
