Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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