the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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