So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
