Tell her she can't have a vagina
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
