So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just googled if crying burns calories
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
