Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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