What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
