I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The Olympian is in my bed
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
