if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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