My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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