just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
