I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
