I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
