i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Randomize
