I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
