the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
its not stalking. its research.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
