I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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