why didn't you poke me back
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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