I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
