I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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