I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Someone signed my nipple.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
