i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
