She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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