Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
