I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
