It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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