I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
