Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
