So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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