he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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