Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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