Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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