i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
