I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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