what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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