I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
