i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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