Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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