so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
