I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
