It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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