I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
