Are we in a gay sports bar?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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