I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
