Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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