final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
