I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
