Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
