my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
