My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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