Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
